Don't Lose Yourself

This week a feminist issue again, which is close to my heart, but about relationships. Women are supposed to be the fountains of compassion, symbols of sacrifice and epitomes of self abnegation, for their loved ones, family, children, significant others. It is so, we are capable of a lot of sacrifice, and can bear a lot of pain and hardship for the sake of our loved ones. But in romantic or conjugal relationships, there is always a question of domination, subjection, and balance. It is of course a man's desire and nature to be in the dominant position. That is how he is designed to be: to take charge of the situation, to protect the woman , to take responsibility of the family. But mostly the devotion to her man makes a woman give in too much, retreat too much, sometimes at the cost of her own self respect. In the long run, it is neither good for her nor for the relationship. 

Its true that you must show the person you love that he or she means the world to you, but if you show somebody that you cannot exist without them, they will start taking you for granted. Somebody who is totally dependent is instinctively less attractive than an independent mate. And many times the man thinks that he has been able to fool the woman, otherwise how could she think so highly of a no good person like him. It does not cross his mind that she may be overlooking his faults and indiscretions to maintain the relationship. Once he thinks he has fooled her, he looks for others to fool, he thinks he can pull it off. Here infidelity creeps in. 

A woman can take a lot for her man, as long as she believes he is true to her, that they both belong to each other. But when you start feeling that what he is doing is not for you, what he is saying is not for you, there is somebody else on his mind and near his body, you do not feel like tolerating his tantrums, indulging his whims and desires , or making any extra effort for his sake. in your heart, he does not belong to you anymore. many women will refuse to look this feeling or intuition in the face, because it hurts too much, and its always better to exist in the la la land of contrived trust, because facing the reality of a beloveds infidelity breaks you yourself. So she goes on, not caring anymore but not facing it, nor letting him know, that she knows. 

But all this self abnegation or delusion doesn't get you anywhere. The moment you lose trust, you must react and ask the other person to renew it, otherwise its just a farce after this moment. It is not worth anything to live in a relationship which is against your self respect. If you lose your self respect, you lose yourself, you lose your way in life. And the person you compromise it for will never appreciate your sacrifice, in fact will rather hold you in contempt for being the weakling that you have become just to hold on to him.  I always tell myself, that the one who truly loves you, will never put you in a situation where you will have to do anything against your self respect. 

Love him as much as you like but don't lose yourself in your love. Nothing is as precious as your self respect. If your lose that, you will soon lose your love also. If a person has lost your trust and confidence, you can try to rebuild it, if you both want to continue. One loves a person for what he or she is, not only for looks or material trappings. But don't let somebody trample your spirit.Nobody is worth this much.