Women's Lib

Gloria Steinem I am not. Bra burner I am not either. Then how do I justify being a feminist. Most of the women felt, in the nascent days of Women's lib that going to the extreme and casting off every shackle of suppression which is designed to make us more subservient and therefore more acceptable to men, was the need of the hour. Perhaps it was so, and looking back 50 or 60 years ago, it is evident that women of the world have come a long way. Now atleast in the urban areas of Pakistan even, it is not an anomaly for a woman to work, go out alone or drive, do chores alone or be the primary breadwinner of the family. The only shackles that remain are the attitudes, and the harrassment which is experienced by women at the hands of men in authority or in any dominant position. For that the governement has to work hard and create an enabling environment for women to feel comfortable and secure in their day to day life. It is not a very difficult thing to do. I must appreciate the work that the Punjab governement has done in terms of legislation, women's package, the recent activation of women's ombudsman, a longstanding dream, and now the working women's endowment fund.The othe provinces and the centre are far behind. These are good measures and practical ones too, if only actually translated into the reality of day to day life. Another thing which the government needs to build and strengthen are the women's shelters and homes. however, it is imperative that we add to their design trauma centres where a battered girl can take refuge, get treatment and get psychological counselling. one problem with the existing homes is that today if a woman needs to escape from an abusive husband, she will not be allowed entry into the home. We must allow easier access to homes for battered women. The government should rise above the fears that the lawahiqeen will come and claim the girl/woman. it is time we treat women as individuals entitled to their own will, rather than as possessions of the family. One thing that i like is that now that so many things about women's empowerment have become the norm, it is no longer considered necessary for a woman to discard her feminine traits to achieve emancipation. I do not think it is necessary for a woman to be rude or gruff to be strong and assert her independence. one needs to be clear in one's mind about ones values and firm about them. obviously, resorting to a little bit of aggression where it is required, but i would prefer the cool confidence of an educated lady, rather then the harsh fury of reactionary activists. We need not compete with men. we are evidently better:) but we are different and both sexes do well to accept their differences and learn to interact accordingly. The men also need to learn that assertivenes is not necessarily a challenge to their manliness. Women need to be polite but firm about what they do or do not want, even if they are in a position of authority. it works even without resorting to looking or behaving like a man. If one is better than others in work, one earns respect the right way. and the best answer for harassment is: name and shame. the rest falls in place. women just need to keep their self confidence and sense of self worth alive. If I am confident of who i am, I dont need to insult anybody to prove myself. but i do not need to take something below my dignity either. I hope that graceful but firm, the women keep coming into public life and change our society, by changing themselves first.We wont get anywhere by competing for men.

Ashes to ashes

Images of the funeral pyre of Pakistan's one the most respected members of the judiciary, Rana bhagwandas is evocative. Made out of dust, we return to it, some through decomposition after burial, some after cremation turn to ashes and dust. Thus we leave our earthly dress and our real self, the spirit rises above to its creator. I heard a few people on tv giving statements that Rana bhagwandas had written naats, that his study of the religion of Islam was very wide. Do wd really need to make such statements as Muslims to justify our presence at the funeral of a Hindu ? He was, I guess, after all, an infidel, so it follows that we should be suitably contrite at our presence or association to him even in death. I felt strange and bad. How would an overseas Pakistani feel if he died in Britain and a Christian friend says, you know, he had written some hymns in honour of Jesus . I wonder what religion do spirits have when they appear before god. Isn't he supposed to be one? It is this unwillingness to accept those who are different and those who are not like us, who believe in some other values, that is the basis of all cruelty , it is this intolerance. Before we nab the Taliban We need to kill this little extremist hiding within our own selves, who wants to hate, who wants to brand, who wants to punish the other. Who wants to impose his own will on others and who wants revenge from all those people who have what he doesn't . Extremism is the hallmark of every closed and inward looking society. The more we purify it and create uniformity , the more extremist it will become. We lose sight of the goodness in others and concentrate on what is wrong . To each god has given his own destiny. Nobody can change it. But how can an infidel be good, not seeing our own sins that we commit everyday and then take refuge in the hypocrisy of telling ourselves that we are Muslims , so it follows that wd are right and justified in our sins . I would like to remember a human being only as he or she was, a good human being or bad one. That should be the only criteria for rememberence and is I'm sure the only criteria for gods mercy and benevolence

burey halaat

Somebody posted on my blog, that i should not write about my personal life. Curious idea. I wonder why anybody would object to know that i am happy? I write about sadness and nobody says dont write about that. So why this nervousness about happiness? I like to share some aspects of my life but not all, but media has not been so kind to me. which aspect of my personal life was not discussed on the same medium? At that time nobody objected, they just enjoyed. so i say, physician, heal thyself. It is better that i say what i want to say myself, rather than letting people indulge in conjecture and rumour mongering. I have always felt that each day is a new start, I do not believe in looking back in anger. Otherwise, how much more of my "personal life" i could have written about! those who would do anything to keep their hold on power and privilege, demean themselves, go to any length to hang on to their ticket to "success' and be called " success stories" when all they can boast of is one shameful act after another in an attempt to hang on. But what is the point of mentioning people like that. I would rather talk about somebody I truly respect and love. Someone who has healed my wounds and made me believe in goodness. Somebody I look up to, despite the fact that i would sometimes tease. Who makes things happen that others only talk about. Who is not led by fears and complexes. Such a person is worthy of mention, worthy of association, worthy of affection. every woman needs someone to adore. Yet this is not all on my mind today. My daughter asked me today, why does Pakistan have these burey Halaat ( adverse circumstances/ conditions)? I am at a loss what to say to her. I don’t know how many of my generation have an answer to this question and how many, like me, have to struggle with a response. . We are not the generation who oversaw these developments in our national life, but we were witnesses to it, and now are coming to a stage where we can make a difference in society. We are the parents, the middle managers, the young bureaucrats getting to senior positions, the young politicians chairing some standing committee or as in KP, heading a provincial department. The old guard is still strong in Punjab and Sindh and of course the centre. But her question is still difficult to answer. I can only think of two reasons which our earlier generations have brought the matters to the present scenario. We as a society have been insecure, selfish and irresponsible. We have thought about our own gains and not cared about what happened to the person next door, as long as we were in the pink. Then a peculiar tendency that at least I have noticed is that people will spend no energy on their own betterment but will spend double the amount of energy on pulling others down. We are afraid to compete fairly, so we try to “cut corners” and deviously win. The ego reigns supreme. Not values. I sometimes joke to people who come to me to help them pull down others that you want to make sure that everybody remains in the mud and anybody who tries to get out of it, should not succeed. As long as all are in the mud, we achieve our societal targets. This is how our society maintains the status quo, and we as a nation lose out on progress and success. Irresponsibility, on the other hand, I cannot explain. We have this general tendency of being so relaxed about things, so laid back, probably stemming from our sufi roots but more probably due to the majority being unlettered and the general attitude of ignorance which prevails in our society. An unlettered man doesn’t know much about his universe, and life is a series of incidents to him which he cannot explain rationally, and thus explains through resignation to the will of God. While I am not discounting the will of God, much of our mess is of our own making, which god might be amused at but would not like to help us out of it as all our effort is to stay in the mud. Lets see when we have enough confidence to get out of it and chart a different course.

Trust

Rambling thoughts for the last two weeks did not stay long enough to make me write. Relationships were a constant theme though. My better half( which he is really), when faced by a suggestion from me or new idea about what he can or should do, invariably has the following mental responses: a) surprise that there is room for improvement in a personage like him, who is perfection itself, since somebody else had this idea b) wonder why the idea occured so suddenly and why he was not given notice before being asked to execute the idea c)consternation that now he will have to find time from his hectic schedule to think about doing this d)worry about who will do this e)a hundred and one reasons why it should not or cannot be done. The above ideas will be followed by exasperated expostulations about how he cannot do this and that and so much more, and after a few days, will do it. His ability to rise above his mental processes and allow himself to go along with my desires is what makes him so special for me, because i know that it is an effort for him, and he makes this effort just for my sake. Many of us take these things for granted, but seemingly small things can be big for many reasons. Understanding between two people is usually instinctive, and evolves to become greater with the passage of time, but only if its basis is mutual trust. If one trusts and respects the other person, one takes many more problems and travails happily and willingly. but if trust is not there, one doesnt want to wait, tolerate, contenance or go on , whatever the other person says.The achievements of the person you trust are a source of pride for you, and you gladly help that person follow his dreams, because your greatest happiness is in seeing that person happy. You want to be enveloped in the glowing embrace of his warm, sincere smile, when success knocks at his door. On the other hand,It is so refreshing for you to be understood, given space, never suspected or questioned, and respected and appreciated. The only guilt you witness is guilt at not making you happier than you are. Could one be cuter than that? sometimes, possessiveness can rear its head, but its lovely to belong to somebody,and especially someone who knows how to care in such sweet ways. What makes me trust? I cannot understand this, but I guess the heart always knows. It knows who cares and who doesnt. One can tolerate everything, but not cheating or untruths, and one knows who wants good things for you, and would not let you down on purpose. Trust helps you rise above differences, and jealousy and possessiveness, and gives you peace of mind and warmth in your hands.It gives you a reason to smile and look forward to the dawn of each new day, because the one you love, trust and appreciate so much is there. It is this feeling of knowing that the other person would want you to be happy and have the best of circumstance, whether one is in a relationship or friendship or marriage or any social contact, is what fostrers trust, affection, respect, love.. and makes all the difference.