Forgiveness

I cannot push back from my mind the terrible killing the other day In Sialkot of a couple who had married for love, by the relatives of the girl. Much has been written and said about honor killing and the feudal mindset, but it is not only the feudal who do this, it has to do with the basic perception of our society about a woman. She is still not considered a person, but rather a thing or possession to be owned and governed, a perpetual dependent who naturally does not have a say, an opinion , much less feelings or desires. The best woman in our traditional perception is one who doesn't talk back, and if doesn't speak at all , all the better. While this might be the case in a marital relationship, where a woman might want to acquiesce to the man occasionally, this perception is there in every relationship Or interaction between a man and a woman, Taken as a given by most men. Even men on the street, bosses in offices And even subordinates want women to adhere to them, not because of any quality of thought and mind but only because of their fortune of being a man. In this context, naturally a woman or girl who not only has a choice but also brave enough to take that choice is considered a source of shame. It is the jibes of society which drive a family to kill their flesh and blood, even if she had done something which was legal and her right under law and religion. This is the hypocrisy that engulfs us, if she had married the family's choice and taken a lover on the side, nobody would have minded as long as it remained hidden. Men in our society regularly marry for money thinking they will enjoy themselves on the side all along to fulfill their desire for a better mate. Such unfaithfulness is perfectly acceptable to us, but not somebody who decides to be honest to oneself and do the right thing. The concept of right and wrong is terribly skewed. They say marriages are made in heaven, but here they are made under cold calculations of profit and loss, in terms of trophies and Status symbols. True marriage is the marriage of the heart, when one heart recognizes the other as the One, and the only. Antoine d Saint Exupery wrote, true love is visible, not to the eyes, but to the heart, for eyes may be deceived . What did the murderers understand of what the lovers saw in each other. They could not see because they were blinded by material things. We the society need to give the womenfolk a new social contract. We need to help them become independent in mind and financially, only then can they shrug off these shackles and learn to live like persons, not objects or possessions.