Forgiveness

I cannot push back from my mind the terrible killing the other day In Sialkot of a couple who had married for love, by the relatives of the girl. Much has been written and said about honor killing and the feudal mindset, but it is not only the feudal who do this, it has to do with the basic perception of our society about a woman. She is still not considered a person, but rather a thing or possession to be owned and governed, a perpetual dependent who naturally does not have a say, an opinion , much less feelings or desires. The best woman in our traditional perception is one who doesn't talk back, and if doesn't speak at all , all the better. While this might be the case in a marital relationship, where a woman might want to acquiesce to the man occasionally, this perception is there in every relationship Or interaction between a man and a woman, Taken as a given by most men. Even men on the street, bosses in offices And even subordinates want women to adhere to them, not because of any quality of thought and mind but only because of their fortune of being a man. In this context, naturally a woman or girl who not only has a choice but also brave enough to take that choice is considered a source of shame. It is the jibes of society which drive a family to kill their flesh and blood, even if she had done something which was legal and her right under law and religion. This is the hypocrisy that engulfs us, if she had married the family's choice and taken a lover on the side, nobody would have minded as long as it remained hidden. Men in our society regularly marry for money thinking they will enjoy themselves on the side all along to fulfill their desire for a better mate. Such unfaithfulness is perfectly acceptable to us, but not somebody who decides to be honest to oneself and do the right thing. The concept of right and wrong is terribly skewed. They say marriages are made in heaven, but here they are made under cold calculations of profit and loss, in terms of trophies and Status symbols. True marriage is the marriage of the heart, when one heart recognizes the other as the One, and the only. Antoine d Saint Exupery wrote, true love is visible, not to the eyes, but to the heart, for eyes may be deceived . What did the murderers understand of what the lovers saw in each other. They could not see because they were blinded by material things. We the society need to give the womenfolk a new social contract. We need to help them become independent in mind and financially, only then can they shrug off these shackles and learn to live like persons, not objects or possessions.

Young and beautiful

Listening today to "young and beautiful" by Lana De La Ray, one of my favourite songs.It makes me wonder if there is anything called true love after all, the way we were taught it is when we were children...true love is unselfish , it is brave, it is not based on material things, and, it is forever. This concept of forever has been blown away by modern life, when we are living lives that only sustain strips n snippets of people we love and like.but is it still possible to love unselfishly and love without consideration of looks, age, appearance? These days even bank balance is a great aphrodisiac, so why blame men when they run after bone structure, hair colour, size, etc ? I used to believe that true love must be out there but not happened to me.. But love is what happens to one when one is making other plans. The first time I realized I was in love was when I experienced near physical pain at the possibility of being away from him. And in a few days it was all over, all my defences gone, my ego taking a hike, my pride melted away into the warm emotions welling up in my heart. And it has never left me. Why I don't Mind the imperfections of heart and mind which I can see with my eyes and recognize with my brains, I don't know. I just know it is joy to be in the same room even, it is peace to smile at and be smiled at, it is oneness to speak to and to hear, it is losing which makes one treasure most. And to meet is to be alive, it is pain if the other is in pain, and joy if one sees joy in their eyes. And not being with me is still being with me. I guess I cannot diagnose it scientifically, I can only feel.How is it that two people can be so similar and feel the other can't do wrong is unexplainable, honestly. I say,whatever feels wrong with others feels right with u, and never felt so right. And the pain still stays with me, but I prefer it to all other pleasure . How come all my friends can't talk me out of it is another mystery. So I guess, if I feel this way, if the passing years don't matter, maybe I can be lucky and he feels the same about me? Seems to, and it's true that true love is felt in actions rather than in words..but to be on the safe side I would try to continue being beautiful, if can't hold on to youth... but no, it is the heart that loves the other heart, not the body.. And , it is , sadly for some, forever, if it is true..but would I have it any other way? The answer, as u say, is a big no.

Fear is only a state of Mind

The summer of discontent has started in earnest, it seems. The wandering mind seeks cool dark places to lie down and reminisce, meditate and commiserate with itself of all the confusions, inconsistencies, the questions that arise and are suppressed in one's mind..yet one always crops up. Everywhere i go , I see and feel guilt, self criticism and negativity. be it in our professional lives or personal lives, there is inability to even imagine good things happening, achievement of goals, and this fear, so much fear of others finding and ruining our chances, our success, our good fortune. This fear and insecurity gnaws at our society, controlling and dictating our actions. We hide our real thoughts, settling for platitudes instead in company, afraid to stand out, be different, to hear our voices rise above the usual buzz of familiar chit chat and time worn topics. It is perhaps the natural reaction to the history of this land. The city of Lahore has seen many devastations and carnages, and has learnt to adapt, to accept, to pay homage to whoever is at the zenith of power. The tendency is to do well for yourself and not even dream of sticking your neck out for what you believe in. If you believe in anything in the first place.Self preservation is supreme. I wonder sometimes, looking at the reactions of the people around me and the screaming silence, the utter lack of outrage at things that we should be outraged at. Despite generations of conditioning and nurture, some conscience remains in our hearts, this inability to condemn openly and failure to suppress decisively has turned us into a nation of self condemners, hating ourselves for our weakness but still going on at the same path. But the ties that bind our minds are only in our mind. Fear is only a state of mind. Now more than ever is the need to stand up for things higher than ourselves, which are right for the collective good. One has to sacrifice personal safety, comfort, and benefits for the collective good. But the strength to do so only comes from belief,from faith in what is right. Many times I feared to move forward on things which i believed were right, in the fear that what might happen, but the unknown is always more fearsome than going ahead and knowing whats out there. sometimes i faltered, sometimes i moved ahead, but moving ahead told me that most of my fears were only imagined. If I believed strongly in something, moving forward always found me vistas to reach my goal. Fear melted away when faced with willpower. I believe that the only way open to us collectively and individually, in order to lead a positive, happy and dignified life, is to go on the path of what we believe in, and fears, known and unknown, will melt away. Compromise wins us not peace but stalemate. Doing what we wish and believe in, is what brings happiness and peace.