Trust

Rambling thoughts for the last two weeks did not stay long enough to make me write. Relationships were a constant theme though. My better half( which he is really), when faced by a suggestion from me or new idea about what he can or should do, invariably has the following mental responses: a) surprise that there is room for improvement in a personage like him, who is perfection itself, since somebody else had this idea b) wonder why the idea occured so suddenly and why he was not given notice before being asked to execute the idea c)consternation that now he will have to find time from his hectic schedule to think about doing this d)worry about who will do this e)a hundred and one reasons why it should not or cannot be done. The above ideas will be followed by exasperated expostulations about how he cannot do this and that and so much more, and after a few days, will do it. His ability to rise above his mental processes and allow himself to go along with my desires is what makes him so special for me, because i know that it is an effort for him, and he makes this effort just for my sake. Many of us take these things for granted, but seemingly small things can be big for many reasons. Understanding between two people is usually instinctive, and evolves to become greater with the passage of time, but only if its basis is mutual trust. If one trusts and respects the other person, one takes many more problems and travails happily and willingly. but if trust is not there, one doesnt want to wait, tolerate, contenance or go on , whatever the other person says.The achievements of the person you trust are a source of pride for you, and you gladly help that person follow his dreams, because your greatest happiness is in seeing that person happy. You want to be enveloped in the glowing embrace of his warm, sincere smile, when success knocks at his door. On the other hand,It is so refreshing for you to be understood, given space, never suspected or questioned, and respected and appreciated. The only guilt you witness is guilt at not making you happier than you are. Could one be cuter than that? sometimes, possessiveness can rear its head, but its lovely to belong to somebody,and especially someone who knows how to care in such sweet ways. What makes me trust? I cannot understand this, but I guess the heart always knows. It knows who cares and who doesnt. One can tolerate everything, but not cheating or untruths, and one knows who wants good things for you, and would not let you down on purpose. Trust helps you rise above differences, and jealousy and possessiveness, and gives you peace of mind and warmth in your hands.It gives you a reason to smile and look forward to the dawn of each new day, because the one you love, trust and appreciate so much is there. It is this feeling of knowing that the other person would want you to be happy and have the best of circumstance, whether one is in a relationship or friendship or marriage or any social contact, is what fostrers trust, affection, respect, love.. and makes all the difference.

Islam and the futility of violence

For those who would kill for the hounour of the Prophet (PBUH), behold the stones being pelted on his blessed person, yet he stops the angel from destroying the town of Taif, whose people severely injured him. Are we wiser than the prophet, more on the right, or understand better the will of God? There is a reason why our religion is called islam, the religion of peace.We are supposed to emulate the actions of the Prophet (PBUH). if he could not take a human life unless during armed combat, where both people have an equal chance, how can we justify killing another human being, even if he had sinned? throughout our history, muslims have justified taking law into their own hands and the killing of other human beings just for hurting our emotion. but why dont we control our emotions and take the civilized road to condemn, criticize and protest against the atrocious cartoons published in Charlie Hebdo? was the low life magazine worthy of so much attention? Can a little cartoonist make a dent in the majesty of the Prophet? if the muslims in France and across the western world had rallied together and gathered in Paris against this act, the world would have taken serious notice . we could have had a serious dialogue, even gone to court against it. world public opinion would have been more amenable to our stance rather than the polarization between the western and islamic world being seen today. the only silver lining is the statement by the Pope. He has given a statement without incitement to violence. why cant the Islamic clerics adopt peace as their main message? when are Muslims going to give up prehistoric reprisal mode and learn to take a principled stance to defend our religion? It is the same emotions who drive honour killings. it is the belief that we are free to take another human beings life. Violence breeds violence and more violence. it isnt for nothing that law, courts, conviction, investigation have been developed in this world over the ages. it is the only way we can keep peace among humans. it is only through reason, discussion and propagating our point of view that we can convince others and convince them to act the way we want and to respect our opinions. this has been the way of the religious scholars, where have we lost this tradition of peace..somewhere along the line, colonial rule and the violence prevalent in muslim society, we have learnt to glorify violence as a justified course of action. Unless we learn to fight our causes in civilized ways and according to world norms, firmly, tenaciously but peacefully, we cannot prevail .

Can we find a new tomorrow?

My feelings of listlessness continue as I, like the rest of Pakistanis, watch events unfold and brace myself for a bloody struggle with the enemy within. Two viewpoints in Pakistani society were previously dividing the nation..whether the militants are justified in reprisals because their own have been killed. But now the nation is clear in punishing those responsible for killing the most innocent part of our society, our children. But, like Hamlet, I ponder if violence can put an end to violence or just feed the circle of violence.As students of literature we would try to figure out why Hamlet delays the vengeance of his father. But now after more than a decade I realize that the whole play is the authors attempt to show us the futility of vengeance and how it never leads to re birth and new beginnings. It is unimaginable to forgive the animals who did this terrible deed. If we cannot punish them, they will be emboldened even further and "do more".. We must keep this clear and impersonal and punish those responsible. An act against humanity is a crime in all religions and laws. However, will there be some in the environs of those punished, in their families,areas district, who will think that the State has wreacked an unjust death on the ones who were doing jehad against injustice, against a remote and unresponsive State? We can say that their perceptions do not matter but that is the problem. The privileged class has always held the man on the street does not matter. They are Pakistanis too, even if we don't care, and what they think does matter. How can we make them think the ones being punished have done wrong? It is very important that they condemn it too and believe it to be wrong. Otherwise the circle of violence will never end. The only way we can convince them is bring them at par with the rest of Pakistan. If we give them their rights and are just to them. If we treat them right and the government is responsive and not remote, only then can we end this vicious Circle. Let s see how speedily the government works on those issues of sharing power, not perpetuating it. Without inclusion, without acceptance by the privileged class of the under privileged, a new page cannot be turned in Pakistani society.

Say No To Terrorism

My son is five . He sleeps as I write. I can hear his regular breathing, the smell of his hair and skin gives me comfort that he is well. But there are hundreds of mothers in Pakistan today, who can touch the clothes of their boys but can never hear their breath again. And it was not natural death, painful as it is to bear, but their lives were wrenched away by self righteous beings who lost all semblance of humanity long before they embarked on this unimaginably hideous deed. All day on 16th December,2014, i kept thinking what i would have done if it were my son, my children. perhaps taken up arms to aveng them? Yes I would have. To protect her children in every way possible, even in ways which are impossible.That is the first instinct of a mother. That should be the first instinct of the State too. It should protect its people the way a mother protects her children. We have lived enough in terror. they have sold their rhetoric in the garb of Islam for too long. They have confused and clouded the judgement of two generations, who honestly believe now that they are justified in killing others to get their own way, that it is holy to kill children. Yet terrorism is just a mans way of expressing his hatred for his targets, and for himself, and for cowing others into submission. It is correct to weed out these criminals and punish them, as the government is endeavouring to do right now. This is the way the law works too, criminals know that there will be a reprisal for crime, in the form of an encounter if not through a court of law. But the government must realize that we cannot support the status quo anymore. The powerful few who wreak injustice upon the weak, making them a willing fodder for the terrorist trainers. the FATA agencies which we have failed to bring into the pale of normal Pakistani societies, saying they dont want our laws and are happy with their "ways", but there is a whole generetation of young men and women there who is seething at the injustice and suffocation its society breeds. We cannot ignore it. The State must provide them protection, we must establish justice in this society. We must own our youth, and not let the poor young be " catered to" by the madaris. Why cant we have boarding lodging schools for the poor, rather than a few Danish schools? why cant we give food and clothes to the school going children? they would be happy enough to have a teacher around.when are we going to talk about the violence that our young people have to bear from early age, taking away their innocence, sensitivity and humanity? it is not an easy task. Civilized societies have taken years to achieve these goals and even then such incidents happen. But they are perpetuated by individuals rather than groups.But this is a good time to start. No one can finish that which they have not begun. It is a difficult road. The people at the helm of affairs must be scared of reprisals. But we cannot shirk our collective responsibility any longer. We must take this road. If we do not suffer apologists anymore, if we refuse to tolerate this collectively, there is nothing a band of terrorists can do against a nation determined to eliminate them. It is sad that the political parties did not support the war against terror earlier. But this government has a unique opportunity to act. and act it should, if only to protect the right of each mother in Pakistan to be sure that she hears the breathing of her child.

Friends

I have been away for more than a month. Apologies to my readers. For the past few months I have been disturbed as well as busy. I made a decision to move from my hometown Lahore , and a whirlwind of activities related to the move followed. Why I moved? Call it wanderlust or my liking for the capital city, but now I live in Islamabad. I wanted a change, and also wanted to see if I like Islamabad better than Lahore. Of course I have lots of friends and family in Lahore but I do have some very dear friends in Islamabad too.. They have helped me and supported me through many difficult times as I passed through periods of depression and despair and have never been stingy in giving mr their time and attention despite being very busy people themselves. It is a paradox of my life that my family has been unsupportive in trying times but my friends came through for me always. After my fathers death,and other catastrophes, I think a big reason of why I'm alive are my friends, wherever they live. Let my glory be, like Yeats, that I had such friends.I once read a "test" for friendship: you know if anybodys your friend or not, just wake them up at 2 am and see! Well, from that criteria, I have so many friends! Those who did not let me down when those whom I trusted most did.Now this is about friends right now, not loved ones. So I hope my loved ones don't take offense at this excessive allusion to friends, but it is the truth. Trying to settle down as quickly as I can, but a homestead is something I cannot do without. So hopefully I will have it soon and would love to see people I love, adore and respect my friends and loved ones, join me there. I am a strange person I think. I seem to love my friends as much as I love my family. I cannot distinguish between the two. Perhaps they are the family I chose for myself. Being in love with somebody is different, he or she is The one or at least should be, I am a bit old-fashioned in this era of multiple partners, but my friends I love with the same affection as my children, or my siblings( the ones that I do love) is it me or others " love" friends like this too? We do not like to say we do, we say we " like" them.I have no idea, perhaps my readers can tell me about it. I have been disturbed at work, at this new trend of harassing female officers by some male superiors. I had four females working under me, and saw this trend and did not like it. I have had this experience once in my life but I withstood it well thank god. The only thing to do in such circumstances is fight it and tell people around you that it is happening. This is the only way to fight any kind of abuse. Disclosure makes the culprit stop super quick. Best of luck to my juniors coz females have finally arrived in the civil service, and nobody can hinder their path to glory. Au Revoir.

Faith

Faith in God, in a higher power, has always been one of the few constants of my life. Somehow, for all the radical literature and philosophies I read, for all the realities and injustices I have witnessed in my life and career, I think I have been lucky that none could shake my absolute belief in God. I somehow never doubted the existence and power of God, though many of my friends do. All the things I couldn't understand about life and why it was going in a certain direction, made me subscribe to the ancient view of the Greeks that there is a divine design, but mostly we cannot understand it and perhaps do so after it has manifested itself in our lives. All that I read and saw, just added to my belief and provided more explanations and proof of the divine will. Infact, as Hazrat Ali said,one recognizes God through the failure of ones plans . Most of us , in this day and age, think that we can do whatever we plan. Indeed, this confidence is necessary for achievement. But many of us think that we can do anything to get whatever we want, however base. But we find so many times that life has a way of going terribly wrong and throws all our careful plans in a tizzy. That, to me , is the hand of God which ensures balance and justice in this world. Through trial and error, we find that the best course of action is to try for what you want, but not to stoop to levels below your dignity for it, nor be unjust, that is the only way to sustain your good luck. If one believes in God, there is nothing in the world which is worth having, if one compromises on ones dignity and beliefs. In the long run, all the wickedness, all the effort in the pursuit of things comes to nothing. Part of faith is also standing up for what you believe in. If you don't, you are diminished as a human being. Compromises lead to more compromises and even more weakness. To me, honesty is being true to your values and also holding on to them. If one doesn't hold fast, there is no end to weakness and exploitation . I do not agree with the eastern doctrine of completely submitting to the will of other human beings, be it a pir, mawlana, or superior. god made us all equal, and complete submission is only for him.no human being is master of our fate. god is. We all have our own, private and unique relationship with him.In public life and even otherwise, especially being a woman, one becomes the target of all sorts of malicious propaganda, and people superimpose their own fantasies and theories on me, especially when one does not try to project some carefully crafted image of oneself. It is painful, but always inspires me to keep even stronger hold on my values. I am alive, at peace and successful, not through people but through the help of God himself. So I owe explanations only to Him.Thankfully, he is not as judgmental or unforgiving as humans, that is why so many of us are still surviving. If God has created people differently, we must also try to accept people as they are, not judge them. We cannot permit injustice between people, or allow people to harm others, but that is as far as we can go. It is not for us to judge others or their actions,God is there. It is for us to expect and hope for justice and truth to prevail. We are only unknowing instruments of Gods will. We all have failings. Believing in Gods mercy and our ability to overcome our failings is to me, faith.

A quiet evening Alone

Umar khayyam said, " a cup of wine, a loaf of bread, and Thou". Or something to this effect. To the civil servant careering after floods, disasters and diseases, or the mother chasing after kids ,a quiet evening alone is often a luxury. Tonight is such a luxurious one. However, the company of a loved one is not available today. Some people are afraid to be alone. I was a late child, my parents were too caught up in their mid life duties by then and my siblings were too old to give me commpany.So I developed the hobbies of a solitary child, reading, drawing, movies and music, and later painting and landscaping gardens,and ofcourse, cooking and experimenting with nearly all the major cuisines of the world. when I had a home of my own, I also indulged my love of the arts with a piano and interior decorating. Thus solitude has always been a welcome friend. I have always loved the feeling of touch, taste,smells and colours.I surround myself with them. Tonight it is too late to cook, so I settle for a leisurely bath with lavender incense. Its my favourite and infinitely relaxing. I even gift lavender products to my loved ones, so that i smell it on them when i snuggle up or hug them. My little Siamese, she is called margot by the way, follows me to every place in the house, trying to snuggle with me in the shape of a ball whenever I sit down. I bought flowers on my way home, and I listen to Chitra Singh as I arrange tuberoses , lillies, gladioli, and hothouse chrysanthemums in various vases around the house. Tonight i feel like doing more than read or watch tv..my cat walks on the piano and I think of playing it. Chopin? or no, lets try Mozart. One of my friends found a Mozart music book in London for me on a holiday, for which I am grateful. It is Requiem II. I play it slowly, looking for guidance at every note from the book. It is a melancholy number, which always reminds me of the highs and pitfalls of life. All art, Wilde said,is ultimately useless, but that is not true..it is art which enhances the ability of every individual to feel and empathise with others, to break the shell of our egos and make us think of things that are beyond our own selves..There is so much self righteousness in our society and growing every day it seems, these people think they have the answer to every ill, but their solutions are usually the "why dont they eat cake" ones espoused by Marie Antoinette, a few months before she was beheaded. These days people shun forms of art, many times confused if it is islamic enough or not. If it is not provocative, how can a thing of beauty be obscene or unislamic? With these thoughts i stop playing and and go up to settle into my red nest, where time stands still. If for the moment someone is away, the imagination fills the gaps with memories of togetherness, with a promise for tomorrow. Faith, and trust, keep my rambling heart firmly in someones coat pocket, which im sure is still smelling of my favourite perfume. I love this smell on my heart.