Compliments

Each time anybody gives me a compliment, I can have a variety of feelings. I can like it, I can dislike it. I can be elated, I can feel embarrassed or irritated. Or it might just make my day. It all depends on who said it, and how. All of us go through this gamut of feelings at different times, but we all like compliments. Why do we, by the way? I have often wondered why not do away with these niceties which waste our time and don't let us get to the point. A person as impatient as me would think so. Life for me is a series of urgent moments, all requiring immediate action. But compliments verbalize the exchange of a feeling between one human being to another, which is, you are valuable, you are important, you are wanted. This feeling of being wanted by another, or by other humans at large, is requirement that is central to the existence of every human being. Women try to get thin, get implants, dress up, make up, sound intelligent, and men make money, drive fast cars, attain power, wear designer ware, in order to be acceptable and in demand. This can take different forms according to the person or group that we are trying to impress, but thats what it is. All art, manners, politics, entertainment, is meant to please and interest as many other human beings as possible. We live through our relationships with others, and are enriched by them or destroyed by the lack of interest others take in us as viable partners, employees, commodities, etc. A compliment is a very small interchange between two human beings showing that one likes the other. Here lies the problem. If one does not like a person, one might not like the compliment, but one still does, as its an affirmation of one's worth. What matters more is how its put. If it highlights a quality we like about ourselves we love it, but if it points at one we don't, we shun the compliment. Better still, if it finds quality in us which we do not possess but would like to, that is the compliment we like most of all. Why should I compliment somebody, by the way? There are many among us who feel awkward giving compliments even if its well deserved. The motives for these can be manifold. We are not expressive and have not received compliments in our own early life. One learns to give love only when one has received it. or we don't want the person to get a bloated ego, or perhaps want to put him down a bit. So we withhold appreciation, hoping the person would wilt without it, as flowers do without sunshine. Or sometimes, we do not have enough self esteem to think that what we say will be significant for the other. Or, we are so proud that we think that we don't need to appreciate others.All appreciation should be only for us. Love and happiness, only increases if we give more of it to others. If we withhold appreciation it can only control others for a period of time. Then they will leave, looking for others who appreciate them. Insecurity can never be addressed like this. If we open our heart to others, they will love and value us, not because of our material attributes, but because we value them.