A day in the life of a woman in public life

I got a rare comment last week praising me. Im not used to praise, but more to accusations, slander, character assasination. It made me think, i wonder if people realize how it is for a woman who ventures out of the house to work, to prove herself, to do her bit in public life? Perhaps we all do, at some level of consciousness. More and more women aree now working in Pakistan. Women in the office space are not an anomlay anymore. But women in positions of real authority are still few. Especially in public life. to some extent, they are to blame themselves for it. When they go out for work, instead of leaving the woman in them at home and bringing only the professional at work, they bring the mother, the wife, the woman and in some extreme cases even the femme fatale to the workplace. They look for concessions as women, want the easy way out, and as I see these days, fall into the trap of flirting and being seduced on their way to what they think is the top, but usually turns out to be nowhere. That is there, and such females ruin it for others, who want to be taken seriously and respected for their work and ability, rather than what they can offer otherwise. They encourage stereotypes, and people expect every woman who steps out of her house to work, to be open to suggestion. So much for the ones who use their gender( I wont use the other word) for advancement. They live their lives and make choices knowingly. My concern is the women who dont want to use feminine wiles to get ahead. Who want to prove their mettle through work and surpass the men. And believe me, most of the working woman want that. When i was studying and had aspirations as a professional, I wanted to do well in my work, develop a serious work ethic, and of course, being the feminist, be better than the men. With effort and gods help, I became that. joined a service where I worked constantly with men only and proved my capability and grit among them. I thought the story would end there. It didnt. I realized that as i did better and got to good positions, my colleagues would attribute every reason to my success but my cappability. They just wouldnt believe it. When it became too obvious, they would backbite and be mean. In an effort to be professional, I tried, and still try, to be a bit reserved until i get to know anybody. I see that men take this as an offence that why a woman who isnt bad looking, wont come to their office to butter them up. And if she is being friendly and nice, why it isnt leading to anything else. After many bitter experiences of having to shake people off very rudely, I just dont engage in conversation after a certain level. One would think it would end here. The self respecting ones understand and distance themselves, while the others become mean and start conniving. For a woman in public life, life is tough. From the moment you get out of your car, you are the center of intense attention from all males, high and low, and of course most of the male help think it is good measure to hum songs when they pass a woman. With the passage of time of course, they learn not to dare. But it takes lots of curtness from the woman. I do not like to be rude, but i have to be. If im not, they will be all over the place. So i would rather be known as rude than as that"chick who laughs a lot". Atleast when i speak, they listen. Dress is a major factor. the more you cover yourself, the more respectable you seem in their eyes. I thought it didnt matter if i was ok myself, but realized at my cost that our males are too backward in the public domain. A woman has to be either extreemely ugly or suitably covered to command respect. Then there are the ones who would not give up on getting ones attention. they wait for the time when you might need anything form them and they can use the task to get friendly. This kind sometimes creates problems for women just so that they can help them later and then get lucky. What i have learnt is, the less favours a woman takes, the safer she is. favours cost too dearly at times. I am in no way condemning men and women who find love at the workplace. Meeting somebody and liking somebody is a different thing, but using ones powers to get a woman's attention forcibly through incentive or harrassment is a crime. It should be discouraged at every level. But male chauvinism refuses to recognize or to confront such patterns of behaviour. My only reactions to such people is that if they wait for this woman to ask for favours, they will be waiting forever. I would rather not have things than to expose myself to such behaviour. All said and done, If a woman is good at her work, doesnt take undue favours and concessions, and remains serious and focused, always wins respect and recognition, even if it is grudging. In order to gain respect in the public life, a woman must learn to say no. To many things. She might not get as far as fast as her more unscrupulous sisters, but her success would be real. As for me, to all who praise me and pity me, I may be innocent and too kind, but I am not a victim,and would bbe against my self respect to be protrayed as one. I like according to what my values, and have no time for regrets.