Soulmate

I write todays post one day after my birthday. On my birthday I re met one of my very good friends, and she then told another, then another. It is true that I have very few friends. I dont make them easily. But Im surprised again and agaian to know that those who hung on to me through my difficult times, are with me because of myself, not because of any other reason. Perhaps the only way to recognize true friends is to see how they treat you when you are down and out. My mother used to tell me that people are insincere and wicked, and she taught me from an early age to distrust people, expect the worst from them, and always be wary, aloof, suspicious. So that people do not get the oportunity to hurt you. I thank my stars that i met so amny other people in life, good people, who liked me and stuck by me, and made me believe in the goodness of humanity, the ability of the human being to attract good by doing the right thing, and bringing the best out of people by expecting the best. It was my father who taught me to stand up for my values and for what i believed in, no matter what. he taught me to be independent in thought and action, but I think I learnt to take risks purely on my own. And a good but reticent friend taught me not to feel sorry for myself even in the worst of times, and get hold of my life by getting a grip on myself. But I learnt the most beautiful lesson of my life from the one that I love. He said, expect good from life, only then will good things happen to you. I was struck by it, because i had never thought of life this way. Nimbly and nervously, i began to venture out of my fears and began following what he had said. I trust him so much, I believed it because he had said it, though i wasnt sure about its effectiveness. Till date, this thought has given me nothing but happiness, faith and hope. Well it is not surprising. Ever since I have met him, i have known much happiness. Whenever I look into his shining eyes, I see love, acceptance and appreciation, and myself. He doesnt say much, but then nor do I. I want him to express his feelings more, but then i remember that i am the same. We say little, do more, and feel most. His actions, sometimes i like them,sometimes i dont, are a perfect mirror of myself. His good qualities are my good qualities, but the ones that i dont like, I realize that i have these habits too. Its sometimes uncanny. Perhaps this is the reason, I cannot stay away from each other. Sometimes, when Im patiently waiting for him to find time while my issues get bigger and bigger,I remember my daughter, three years old, who used to wait for me when she came back from school, if she needed anything, thinking that she would do her project, ask for things when mama came home. But I would get late and she would fall asleep waiting for me. I was very busy at the time, i couldnt help it but feel bad to this day. She learnt to do without me. But when i wait for him , i realize how trying it is to wait for someone you love to find time for you when he has so much work to do and cannot help it. It wasnt my fault, it isnt his, but it is trying all the same. The tiredness, the irritability, the preoccupation, I have gone through it myself, that is why i can accept it. I do know that my love washes away his worries, the same way his love and affection , his spontaneous bursts of affection, caring and sometimes possessiveness, wash away my sorrow, my loneliness and my insecurities. I bloom, smile, and feel grateful. And feel that i am the luckiest woman in the world. He isnt perfect, but he is perfect for me. Whenever i expect bad from him, i recive only good. whatever, is in my best interest, he does instinctively. Whenever we are upset with each other, circumstance remove all our misunderstandings. For all his possessiveness, he never makes me feel cloistered or suspected, only loved and cherished. Do I wax too eloquent on his greatness? As i said many times before, it is not because he is perfect, but he is perfect for me. And on my birthday,I guess Im allowed to feel a bit grateful for all this uncanniness. We look for miracles, but we miss the small miracles that God blesses us with: the people whom we love, and those who love us back.