When its not enough

Lots of friends ask me why what I have is not enough for me. A good enough job, no major financial cares, three beautiful children who are doing ok in theirs schools, why i am not attracted to more leisure actitvities, why i dont want to go to coffee parties, why i dont "enjoy life " in its myriad connotations, including fashionable passtimes like drinking, smoking, socializing a lot, going for holidays, etc. Its true i have a settled life and a small number of friends and family members that I can count on, and who can count on me. Yet the usual passtimes do not attract me. I love my work, I love my responsibilities but I have difficulty ignoring the world around me and the huge collective problems that we face as a society. Being a part of the government, i can see the ineffectual and often half hearted efforts to take this country in the right direction, that the civil servants and other stakeholders make. It fills me with cringing, how people who are responsible for the fates of the nation are more interested in their golf and squash games than important work to be done. It is then that I feel a deep cringing of the "good life" which is in essence irresponsible. How people are judged and positioned at government positions not due to their ability and hard work, but due to their ability to massage the egos of their bosses, and their sheer mediocrity that makes the boss feel more secure in their presence. These attitudes make me cringe, and feel repulsed with the enjoyment that people of my class are indulging in, without any care to their rersponsibilities. Such an existence, is not enough for me. I do not feel attracted to it, I do not aspire to it. I do aspire, as a responsible citizen of the society, to do my bit to make this world a better place, and my country a better place. Leisure, fun, enojyment, have theoir place in one's life, but not in the life of a person in the government, in a responsible position, who has been given the chance to help others improve thier lot in life. Lack of this empathy and sense of responsibility, is one of the biggest failing of the Pakistan bueraucracy. we have decided that once in service, it is our ticket to all sorts of benefits that we are entitled to milk from our positions. But have we ever thought that on each position, what contributions have made to this country by the time we leave it? no, that is not a genuine concern of the normal joe behind the desk in a government office. All sorts of excuses are given for this: what has this country given to us, what are the politicians and dicatators doing, so on and so forth. But have we provided the politicians any workable solutions to the ills of the system? no. HAve we done our job over the generations? no. Have we stood our ground notwithstanding lack of facilities? no. Our whole concentration is on surviving one more day. This way of living selfishly, this aproach is not enough for me. My father and others tried to make me make it ok, but they never succeeded. It is not the only purpose of ones life. We are here for a reason and each of us have a responsibility to fulifill. It is not enough to enrich oneself. Our life can only suffice when we give our time and effort to help others too, those who are not our family and friends, many we will not even meet, much less get their thanks, but we in our hearts will know that we have done our duty by them. That is the standard i judge myself on, and each in public office must do the same.