A Narrow Escape

Hello to my readers after a long long time. I have stayed away from my blog, not because there was nothing to write about, but because I wanted to stay away and not put my two cents into the storms that have been blowing away in our land. This is a period of lull, and perhaps I m inspired again. just for clarification, I did write a blog once last month but somehow it disappeared and I don't feel like writing about the issue for now. Today I want to write about whats on my mind today.

A journalist asked me, why have you started this charity and social work. The question didn't surprise me as I have heard lots of such quizzes since Panaah became a reality in December. Why somebody would want to do something good that won't benefit him or her but will benefit others. Of course there are people who would do things for many other reasons, but as i didn't answer him then, let me tell everybody now. It is because I always wanted to work to help others. I was persuaded to join civil service by my late father, and I ended up excelling in it, but my motivation to join service was that I would be able to do good things and use my power to help people. I did, lots of them, but in this model one is only able to do what is approved, and ordered, and room to do what is right is limited at best. One feels like a cog in the wheel, as somebody once put it. So I made this structure to help others directly. And I feel great about it. Just today I picked up two 7 year old orphans from a Main Market GUlberg Lahore footpath and now Panaah has adopted them. They will go to school, while their single homeless father will gather paper to sell from trashcans, instead of doing this work with him. They will also get clothes and food from us. Atlanta now they have a chance. Life is all about second chances. Happy to be a conduit for somebody. One thing i would like all of us to remember, is that it is not difficult to find people who need our help. Just open your hearts eye and you will see them all around you. These two boys i saw sleeping next to an ATM I went to. One had a bandage on his head which caught my attention and I looked for their father and found their story. He fell down on the pavement and injured his head while following his father around. His head had just a muslin bandage around it,from which his congealed blood could be seen. When I saw him, I felt how it would be if it had been my son alone with his father, nobody to take care of him, if I had just left him and not stuck around after our divorce. It was so awful to think of, it is so awful to contemplate. Atleast in my personal life i have chased away these demons, my family is well settled and happy again, even if not one, my children have learnt to be happy with their parents separately. But the hideous feeling never left me, and I try to help as many children as i can, so that they don't have to suffer in a way that I can and any parent can contemplate. It is really only for my own happiness that I do it. I don't care what anybody thinks , to each their own thoughts, we judge others by our own ideas about what we might have done n why, and the baser the person, the baser the expectations of others. So cynics are really not my concern. Such changes in life come from a loss, and mine did from a loss I narrowly escaped. The way I see my work, is just me stretching out a hand to others to make the same escape. Nothing fills my heart with more happiness.

To have just a little

Time always keeps changing, it never keeps still. Sometimes we have good fortune and we have a lot, and sometimes we struggle to get and to keep even a little. What made me distressed ,and still does, is the cruelty of one human being to another. People are unwilling to let people have even a little, while they themselves have a lot, and want to take away even the little that somebody has and leave them without anything. This feeling surely stems from the fear that there is not much to go around and only at the cost of others can we succeed. Nothing could be farther than the truth. In this world, there is so much to get and so much for the one who tries. People perceive scarce means and unlimited demands but there is so much bounty from God, there is something for everybody in this world. But still we think that we must fight for things with each other. Selfishness is the basis for all greed, envy and jealousy. We think we can take things away, deprive people. We are so foolish. If somebody is destined to have something, he or she will, no matter what anybody does. Still we go through the needless struggle and evil acts to keep things from people who are destined for them. It is better to do the right , make your efforts and leave things to God and fate? Lack of faith makes us do things which only hurt us in the long term, hurting others only in the short term at the most. What it definitely does is to show others what we are.

I have seen in my life that the people who get the most are the ones who are the most giving and generous. The ones who grudge others happiness and prevent them from success, are the ones who don't achieve much in the end. Because they are so busy trying to undermine others, they forget to make positive efforts in the right direction for themselves. I think, it is fallacious to run after things and people, you don't get much and just lose your dignity. Whatever is in your fate you will get with your positive efforts, whatever others are destined for, they will get no matter what you do. For happiness , even a little that you want is enough. If you are unhappy and covetous ,jealous and insecure, even a lot means nothing much.

Putting small hands to work

The other day I was getting my car serviced on the rare day when my driver is gone and my cleanliness streak was rearing its head. I left the car at my favorite place and made a round of the shops nearby..when i returned they were just finishing up and I sat inside the care as they did. There was a young boy doing some work and I asked him something and discovered that he was the son of the person doing the car wash. i asked him how old he was and he replied that he was fifteen. I asked him which class he went to and he said i have never gone to school. I was surprised and asked him why, and he told me that his family had never sent him to school. I told him that if he wanted to start studying i could help him. He agreed and told his father. His father came to me and said, he is our only son. We definitely tried to send him to school but he wouldn't study. So I put him to work with myself. I could see that he was lying, because the son was willing, and if the father wanted him to study he would have jumped at the opportunity of free education for his son. But evidently, this was not a priority for him as the boy was working and earning him money.

Such attitudes are pervasive all over our society. Girls and boys are not sent to school for different reason, but the most common is that they, as well as women, are treated by heads of families as assets and possessions, extra hands to work, extra hands to earn. Beset with difficult financial circumstances, our society's lower tier is forced to look at the short term and makes do with available resources, and human resources are the easiest to access. Some do not send girls to school because of finances, security, societal prejudices against women's education or any of the above. Many parents want to educate children but cannot. Many are not convinced that it would benefit them.  There is a need to convince them that education is important. More important is to create an enabling environment where parents can send their children to school, and where they have to.

While private sector, charity organizations or even government led organizations can only do so much to ease the financial burden of the families, the effort to send more children to school cannot be successful without successful enforcement of child labour laws by the government, and to have a system of sending children to school compulsorily latest up to primary level. Without government getting serious about enforcement, rather than only incentivizing school going children, small hands will continue to hold tools of work, mops and dusters, rather than books and copies.

Be Bold on Women's Day

It is my belief that a woman is naturally bold. She is more honest about her emotions, and more able to stand up for what she believes in, personally or professionally. Yet generations of nurture has conditioned her to be more diffident, timid and letting the man take the lead, because naturally that is what will make her appear less threatening and more attractive to a man, who will have an easier time feeling confident in approaching her. The woman is such a great care giver that men naturally prefer them in that role, especially that of a companion. For millions of years, women have sought their identity in that role, and have been happy and have made their men happy too. But when men got too comfortable in that role and the women attained the distinction of being called the second sex (Simone de Beauvoir's famous book, recommended reading for all bold females out there),things were bound to change. 

Contrary to what men might think or like to believe, women are naturally leaders and do well in positions of authority. They are already doing it in their homes and with children. They are better at Fairplay too, their only weakness arises in relation to men. If men pit them against each other, then they are not able to rise above it. I hope with the passage of time they can rise above this too. 

Pakistan is changing very fast with the huge youth bulge which includes lots of young ladies too. As financial compulsions allow them out of the house more and more, our social mix and workplace values are evolving on their own to account for the needs of these women. Therefore, it is a fallacy to say that we need to get them out of the houses and empower them. They are already out, enterprising, working, slowly claiming their place in the sun along with their male colleagues. At this time, the only thing women need, is an enabling environment. They still need professional hand holding, and equal treatment, especially in the private sector. What they don't need at the workplace is special treatment, being treated like"ladies" and expected to do only ladylike work, they need an environment which allows them to compete equally. 

The government sector is much better for women in Pakistan at any given day. I am a living example. I gave the CSS exam a nameless candidate who nobody knew, and nobody needed to know. I just had to do well in my exam. Contrary to what people presume, I did better in the written exam( one of the highest marks in the batch, landing me eventually at 7th position in Pakistan) than in the interview, where the then chairman did not like my boldness and candid views. But the objective system saved me, and gave me my due, without having to resort to buttering up anybody ever. Even now, this system does not require me to cultivate people, mostly men, in order to get ahead. I just need to be good at my work and I am given my due. Most importantly, this system does not ask me or judge me on my personal life, and my professional life does not get affected by my personal life. That is still not true for other professions. The greatest challenge for governments is to provide better regulation so that women have a level playing field in every career they choose.

My advice to young ladies, and old too, ( there is no age to become empowered) is to take as few favors from men as possible, so that there are fewer opportunities to exploit you, and you can hold your head high with real achievements.  Follow the straight path to success. If you want fairness, believe in FairPlay yourself and help enforce it. Don't be afraid to compete. You are as good, or even better. Don't think its women against men, its just natural competition among human beings. We compete to survive, and nothing wrong with being competitive. Do not fight with other women, or you will be regressing collectively plus fulfilling male agendas of keeping you down in the workplace as group. Do not expect or accept "female' allowances, leave your feminine wiles at home and be only a professional at the workplace, not a woman. Don't be afraid to be feminine and dress accordingly, be yourself and don't play a part. But be clear and confident of your own abilities, and be bold to take your agenda forward. 

When a woman is bold, she becomes unstoppable. Happy Women's Day.

Relationships

The other day I came across a very interesting study on what are the factor that make a human being perceive that they are happy. Of course, what we perceive about ourselves and our lives is what makes it true for us, and one person's perception of what is great or not so great, might be different from another, but broad similarity in human behaviour can be there. The results od this study are surprising, and makes me think that human priorities have changed, but not as much has we perceived, especially what is shown in the media. This study says that out of the total number of people interviewed , only 44 percent of them said their faith and religious commitment brings them happiness. Not surprisingly, 85 percent said having enough money to make their life comfortable makes them happy,88 percent said enjoying social life or recreation makes them happy, and a surprising 89 percent said they feel happy if they are fulfilled in their studies or work. 91 percent attributed happiness to a good relationship with their friends, and 92 percent attributed it to a good relationship with their family. 94 percent, stated the obvious, that being contributes towards a feeling of happiness. 

The pleasant surprise for us is that people still rate happiness in their relationships much higher than money or work or even religious belief. In the age of mounting materialism and religious zealots, the need for connection, and a happy one, between human beings, remains one of the primary needs  for each of us. And what are relationships? only the sharing of feelings and experiences, and acceptance by one person of another as he or she is. We need the support of others to go on in this world, and the love and support of our friends and family mean so much that it can help us get out of any problem, any setback. Therefore, nobody should discount the effect he or she has on the people around them, and try to make those people around them happy and to help them. If human beings think of themselves as a bigger whole, each sustained by the other, we can try make  others happy, and become happier ourselves as a result. Of course it cannot match the glee you feel by vanquishing other, putting them down or feeling yourselves superior to them, but this is in the end, an empty feeling. It is fleeting success, which makes us get into an interminable race which does not have an end apart from death. So its better and more fulfilling to choose life over death, happiness and acceptance, co existence, over fighting and competition. You cannot take my fate from me and I cannot take yours from you, so it is better to support each other along our respective life paths.

Because Somebody Cared

There was a news story on tv the other day about a Pakistani girl who lost one leg as a child in the 2005 earthquake and was adopted and taken to the US by an American family. With their care and love she grew up into a confident, pretty, educated young lady, who is now an avid skier. I think her name is Insha. I was enthralled by her shining eyes, her excited and happy face as she said" I like speed". Like any girl her age , and even older( even I like speed and driving fast :)  ) she knows how to and is able to enjoy life and doesn't let her disability bog down her spirits nor her dreams. It was only possible, because somebody cared about her. 

In Inshas case, it was the Amercian couple who raised her and became her parents. But how many children and human beings, wilt, deteriorate and die, because even while living with bustling families, nobody cares about them, nobody thinks they are something special, nobody thinks it worth their while to spend some time with them. In a crowd they remain lonely, unappreciated, lacking in self confidence and any feeling of self worth. 

Human beings are fragile beings. born helpless and weak, they need support from the beginning. Physical touch of the mother, safety from elements, and friendship and love from fellow human beings to prosper and flourish in this world. it is paradoxical as we are also in constant competitions with each other and other living being, with survival of the fittest being the prerequisite of evolution. Over the eons and with civilization, which is basically another word for being considerate to each other, human beings have devised society, the welfare state, social safety nets and institutions to take care of the vulnerable, old and infirm. Despite these structures, the relationships between people, and belief in others is the crucial factor which is required to drive the individual towards success and self actualization.

The strongest of us, the richest, the most beautiful, and most powerful, need somebody to love us, believe in us, encourage us and think the world of us. It can be anybody in our life, but we need that. Not all the appreciation of strangers can mean as much as somebody from our life who stands by us. The most important ingredient is acceptance of what we are, and belief in what we can be. Belief in a person can make him or her achieve the impossible, do the unimaginable. It can make one reach heights to even surpass oneself, so important is the significance of another beings belief that one is all that, and perhaps more. Even in religion, faith is everything, believing in God and what he can do for us somehow makes it true and makes him a reality, perhaps its our own faith which makes it true. When we pray to God and see miracles happen, think of what miracles we can witness when we believe in ourselves and others.

Imitation is the best form of?

Ever get irritated by somebody who constantly imitates you? Who always has to do what you do, wear clothes like you, have hair of the same color as you, who competes with the way you speak, act, etc etc. When we are kids and younger, we all have somebody we want to copy or somebody who copies us. When we get copied, most of us get irritated, and feel as if that person is taking away our identity. But when we copy ourselves, we feel its ok, we are just improving ourselves, or perhaps upgrading ourselves to a different level. After so many years of people copying me and getting irritated with it, I think i have grown up and , well, try, to take it as a compliment. No doubt, when we imitate somebody we only do it because we think that person is doing something right, or perhaps that person represents a kind of life or image that we want to attain and somehow couldn't , or we think we can't.  We are, unconsciously, following our own dreams that the person seems to represent. 

Of course, the road to progress is through learning from each other. Now what we are learning or imitating is another matter, whether it is good for us or not in the long run. But imitation , I tell myself each time I see it happening, is inevitable. Even art, copies nature. So what God has endowed somebody with, it is natural for another person to imitate. We usually imitate to be "current", not to be left behind, to be always on top of things. And sometimes a more pushy imitator pushes behind the original, who doesn't blow his trumpet, his being what he is a natural state of mind and nothing to brag about, but for the imitator, the effort it took to copy definitely engenders a desire to flaunt his/her achievement of a successful imitation.

Although most of us do not take the trouble to think so much about why we are doing things, the underlying reason for imitation is always an attempt to feel good, perfect, wanted, accepted, through the imitation. All of us, want to belong, to somebody, to some group, to some identity. So since the ultimate goal is self satisfaction or actualization, how do we actually achieve it,  because there will always be one more fad, one fabulous woman, or some catch phrase or avant grade idea to adopt. If EVERYBODY ends up doing the same thing, making the same noises, statements and taking the same initiatives, as is very obvious on social media these days, how do we get actual peace of mind? Originality, perhaps? But how do I know how to be original, Im such a bundle of sensations, impressions, experiences and influences, wheres the real me. Even my DNA is connected to ancestors living millions of years ago. If we are so interconnected, how do we find ourselves? The only way, I think, is to do what your heart says. Not what people say or told or advised you to do. Each of us has a soul that is our own, which is original, and the identity that will last to the other world. So whatever it says, do. You will be an original. You will be yourself.