I have been away for nearly a month. I was ill and therefore distracted.Could not get to write what I am writing today, though i have been thinking about it in bits and pieces for the past month. Perhaps my illness has given me more food for my thoughts in a way. They say that the secret of a happy relationship is understanding. Love, attraction,faithfulness, mutual trust and compassion cannot sustain without this crucial ingredient. Perhaps. Love and attraction, in my experience, can exist without any of the above feelings. But the rest are the result of understanding. It is true that one tries to make an effort in a relationship when one is in love and attracted, but unless there is trust and respect in a relationship, it cannot last. And of course trust and respect comes if you understand each other, your personalities, your quirks, your limits and your temperaments, and know in your hearts that you like each others traits and beliefs and identify with each other.
Opposites attract in many cases, but basic similarities in natures are important for understanding and adjustment. This creates trust, respect, belief in each other and a willingness to accommodate each other, to share and support each other to achieve separate and mutual dreams and goals, and mutual forgiveness. True understanding is to understand that we are both human with shortcomings, and to keep forgiving each other when we might fall short of each other's expectations.
When a relationship starts, the man wants to impress a woman, and to keep her impressed as long as he can. A woman wants to bedazzle and bewitch a man, and keep him besotted as long as she can. The man wants to keep seeing the admiration in a woman's eyes that he saw at the outset when he first caught her attention, and the woman wants to keep seeing the lovestruck look in his eyes when he first saw her. It is possible to continue it, but as an affair turns into a relationship and perhaps a marriage, the wear and tear of events that you face together, the good times and the bad that you see, dampen the ardor, the magic, the thrill of romance. The mundane takes over, leaving little time for intimacy and excitement. With understanding, with forgiveness and acceptance of each other's natures, and trust , is the only way the woman keeps believing her man is the hero she fell in love with, because however much h he tries to be the superman he wants to be in her eyes, he is human, and cannot win every battle, pass every test, cater to every whim of hers. But if she understands that he tried, if she knows in her heart that he loves her, if she sees that he wants her and cares for her, he will remain a hero in her eyes, the one she first thought was her brave superman. And if, while he might have gotten used to her beauty which might be fading a bit with time, her love and commitment to him and what he holds dear will still make him want her, and cherish her for the affection and happiness that she brings to his life.
Attraction and love are of course the basic ingredient of the relationship, but understanding and mutual forgiveness , and belief in each other, can make even each other's presence enough to rejuvenate and heal, as no medicines can. Few words are required, because the heart knows, and does not require explanations.
