HONOUR

The other day I was watching tv and a lawyer who had gone to Kasur was speaking about what she had learnt there. What stopped the people from coming forward earlier? They felt they would lose their honour or IZZAT if they did. This is not the first time i have heard this. All of us in Pakistan, the subcontinent, have been hearing this since childhood. Something bad happens to you, especially if it is related to females and to matters which are considered taboo, like rape, molestation, insult and even injustice, one is supposed to hide it, one is supposed to feel ashamed of oneself, not feel enraged and justified to avenge oneself against somebody. In the west, this is the favourite defense of the rapist. " she asked for it". We as a society seem to be enveloped in the same kind of denial based mentality. It is a society where the strong has the last word and the weak is supposed to spout the same propaganda,which puts all the blame on himself, not the wrongdoer. "you made me do this. " A patriarchical society runs on this mindset. The wrong doer is thus absolved of any responsibility of his actions and the victim is made to feel ashamed so that he or she would remain quiet and not demand justice. A harrasser , a rapist, an exploiter,a criminal, a wife beater, an abuser, remain free from blame not through poking dust in the eyes of the law, but through this social arrangement, this social contract whereby evil is allowed to perpetuate and the good is silenced. Over the ages, this conspiracy of silence has eaten away at the fabric of our society and is slowly making it die. Our problems as a nation are basically of social deterioration. we as a society are slowly dying. That is what happens to people who embrace lies and shun the truth. I have always wondered since I was a child, how and where did our society become so hypocritical. We tell lies, we live lies, we pretend to be what we are not and dare not express what we actually are. A woman is harrassed, a child is molested, a woman is beaten, a servant is mistreated, but they are all supposed to keep quiet, because if they tell others what happened to them they cannot expect sympathy or help. they can expect jeers, ridicule, humiliation. That is why people are content to live a life of pretention, false honour and false pride, rather than become vulnerable to the heckling of society. Perhaps we all know in our hearts how helpless we all are in our own lives, but learn to hide it early, so we enjoy it more when somebody eles weakness is exposed. Perhaps it gives us a chance to feel better in comparison. We wear these masks and feel that nobody can see our sadness, our pain, our helplessness and cowerdice. Cruelty is the attribute of the coward. All brave people I have met in my life, are essentially kind. And all kind people I have met, are essentially brave. Kindness and bravery seem to go hand in hand. No wonder that this nation of cowards is so cruel, its sense of right and wrong so skewed. What they do not dare to change, they learn to invert and internalize. Perhaps that is why we are so preoccupied with honour, or retaining the pretense of it, however skewed. Everybody likes to pretend to be what they want to be if they cannot be that in reality. We know in our hearts that we have no honour. Are we going to exist like this forever? This society cannot go on like this. there is a limit to rot also. The only way out for us is to speak the truth to ourselves, and to each other. If we face things, we can change them.

A State That Cares

Much has been written about the Kasur Tragedy in newspapers and media over the last one week. No human being can deny the horror of the incident, in which a network of child abuse and the sale of its videos was unearthed. A number of myths were broken by this tragedy, one of them was the myth of rural areas being the hub of tradiditional values and simple living, while the fast growing urban areas were considered the cesspool of crime and the places where the erosion of our values was taking place. This incident shows that our rural areas are the breeding ground not only of inequality and injustice, but also of crime and depravity. It also shows that the erosion of values has been uniform in Pakistani society and that evil has no boundaries. Another reality unearthed is the superficiality of development and brought into sharp focus the lack of focus on rural development in our country, especially in the most developed province in the country. This incident and other like it, are symptoms of a grater and multifaceted malaise that afflicts our society and State. Human depravity and evil has been there since the creation of humankind, and evil cannot be completely wiped out, only controlled to an acceptable extent, so that human beings can live comfortably in the society. That is the main aim of governance, and the focus of the state. However, no debate is going on about the disconnect between the requirements of the contemporary Pakistani society and the state mechanisms available on the ground. One of the major problems is that our successive governments have continued with the colonial structure of governance, which was designed to control the natives, not to serve them. Police was an instrument of control, not of social service. After independence we have continued to rely on the existing paradigms, but there is a strong need to enhance and build the capacity of social welfare and services, as well as having an independent and coherent structure of human rights protection at the grassroots level. this is non existent in our districts at the moment. There is no forum where a battered woamn, an abused child, or a bonded labourer can go to for the redressal of human rights violations. Ombudsman is not for this. Police does not have human rights abuse as a very high item on its list of priority. then where do the people who are victims of abuse and injustice, go? We do not know at the moment. It does not befit a government of a nation with the majority of its citizens young people, not to have a clue about this. It is correct that significant legislation regarding women, children, and disadvantaged segments of the society has not taken place, due to various controversies. Reform is a dirty word in this country so overwhelmingly controlled by the proponents of the statue quo. We need not only relevant legislation but also an effective implementation mechanism at the grassroots level. but how do we do it? the truth is, this deeply divided nation needs consensus on most issues. The doctrine of reconciliation was a breakthrough in our political thought. We have now progressed to consensus on democracy and security, and people talk about a consensus on economy also. However, we urgently need consensus on social freedom and justice. We need discussion and legislation on personal and collective freedoms and also the translation of this vision into well organized and responsive implementing agencies with some authority and teeth. it cannot be left to the police or handed over to the military. Both are neither permanent nor effective solutions. The government has to take the first steps to make our State metamorphose from a state that rules and dictates, to a state that cares about its people. After 69 years of independence, this metamorphosis is long overdue. We should remember and talk about transformation rather than the usual cliches on this independence day. Please dont wait for the youth to grow up and transform the State. Give it to them as a legacy so that they can grow up safe and out of harm's way. In the current climate it sounds like a utopian idea, but a beginning is necessary to reach the end of the journey.

Destiny

I am sitting in my room on my red velvet stool near the fireplace, there is no one here tonight but me. I remember the first time you called me in the evening three years ago. I was very upset that day and was crying after coming back from a party. I was unconsolable that night and felt I would die. Then suddenly the phone rang and it was you. I was surprised but felt happy to hear your voice. Somehow, ever since I first knew you, we have always been able to tell when the other is upset or perturbed, though we like to put up a brave front and downplay our problems with each other. Still, whenever I have been unhappy the thought that comes to mind is usually you. It was so easy to tell you whats wrong. It still is. The innate trust between us has seldom been shaken, if at all. You asked me how I were, and my hurts cascaded out of me. you consoled me in ur cute clumsey way, and told me stories about your keen observation and attention to detail. I was impressed, as I still am, (no mean achievement to be able to impress me by the way) and promised to call again. The begining of a long story. I look back now, and missing you tonight more than usual, because I need you to be with me. There are some people one meets in life who are meant to be there forever. They might come and go, the nature of relationships might evolve, but they are meant to be together. That is destiny. Destiny binds us to kindred souls who are like us and sense our feelings instinctively. In this chaotic world, this is God's gift to sustain us through life. Whether a child, sibling, friend or beloved, we cannot survive without our own set of kindred spirits. Through them God teaches us the secrets of life and its meaning, and also the lessons each of us need to learn. I used to scoff at the eastern concept of love before I met you. Grew up westernized, and to worship the ground your man walked on sounded like mumbo jumbo from Indian movies and totally against my feminist beliefs. I was totally into equal relationships. I dont know when this deep devotion creeped up on me. Suddenly like a vine entwining itself around a rough wall. I once said to a friend of mine, while trying to understand the dynamics of love, how can one fall in love in an arranged marriage. I got the reply, when he will love you, you will also fall in love. I got no such love the first time around, but now i think its true. One always loves the one who loves one, and vice versa. The sweet considerate things and rememberances have gotten the better of my tough soul. But I love your boldness the best. Love with a weakling must be a shame. I sometimes feel like a tamed shrew. But it is such a pleasure to love, respect and to be devoted to you.I have never looked back. And now I know that in the East, we do not love, we adore. The pitfalls of such adoration can be when ones sees the feet of clay. None of us is perfect, but I now know what a lady meant when, while describing her husband, once said to me, that he is not only whom I trust, he is my aqeeda( belief). When I think with my head, this still sounds a bit uncanny. I overanalyze what is only to be felt. I have attained the level of aqeeda and hope perhaps unreasonably, that I never see clay. Love is belief and clarity. When i question this state of being, My heart only answers, it was meant to be. In this velvet silence, I can feel the true form and shape of love. It is all around me.