About Being Different

In the last week, some people were astonished at my views. Perhaps they do not conform to the stereotyped image of me. But then, I am no stranger to being different, the odd one out. I'm used to it. It all started with me being a leftie. Being southpaws attracted attention since school, and still does. One of my islamiyat teachers lectured me about it being sinful to use my left hand and I thought, then has God sinned by creating me this way? This was one of the things pointed out by my father in law when I got married. It was then I first realized I had married wrongly. But this state of being different went on. I was brought up at par with my brother, encouraged by my father to think for myself and question ideas that we take as givens in our society. I got married and then started studying again, became a civil servant after becoming the mother of a child, topped my batch and became ok with being the lone woman in the room in most work situations. Now i dont even notice gender. Slowly my feeling of being different changed into a lifestyle. My reasons for joining public serv ice were also sadly different. I wanted to do good, help people and devote my life to helping others by using my power and position. I have fallen over many times trying to do and say what I think and feel is right. But God has always given me my feet back. I chose to be out of a relationship which could only continue through hypocrisy, rather than hang on. That is also called different around here. So, I am used to being the different one. But that has made me bolder, stronger and more certain of my ideas and ideals. Opposition has made me aware of how one becomes a threat by being different and believing in new ideas and having the courage to act on them . I am the outsider looking into the system. Social change is imminent. We cannot blame the rot on any one segment, each reflects the tendencies of our social mores. Lots of people among us say that we need a different way of thinking and acting as a society. But we are reluctant to apply these ideas to our own lives. Our lives are mired in hypocrisy where paying lip service is not only enough, it's the done thing. The first step to a new life pattern is to stop lying to oneself. For me this is always a good start, and plus it is different, and takes you down new vistas forever.Helps to stop lying to others too ! Where is the harm in that...

Can we have a little life please?

I have often wondered, why people around me, normal people, are so listless, so without initiative,drive,verve, spark, whatever you may call it.And this is true of all, those who lead a privileged life, and those who do not.Listlessness is a cross cutting feature of Pakistani people.Most are unenthusiastic about their work, about their personal life, even their engagement with life. True, money is an enabling factor in many cases but I have mostly seen money as a corruptor of values. It is so easy to fall into the trap of conspicuous consumption where the more u spend, the emptier u feel inside. Or to get into the rut of living to earn money and more money. But it is life without meaning that kills one's drive to get up in the morning and do something.How many of us ask themselves what do we live for? If i were cynical i would say we try not to think because it would make us more depressed to enumerate our reasons for living. But then, how can a society, where the decisions of a person's life is taken through family panchayats, have verve? where an individuals life is the business of the whole family, friends, neighbourhood and even foes? we have been conditioned to believe that we must please others at any cost. One is considered good when one gives up his or her right to live life as he/she believes, and lives the way others want. It is called living for others. Apne aap ko mitana..especially true for women. In a society without personal freedom , people feel that each day of their life will dawn exactly like the last; like how others want it to dawn. Then why make any effort to change things at work either? we are so used to compromise that we forget to have opinions, much less to air them. A person who speaks his/her mind is an anomaly,not a team player, ill mannered and so on.This is true even in the professional sphere. It all stems from our families where discussion and difference of opinion is discouraged. Respect is good but surely not at the cost of stifling one's own individuality? it makes an individual lose confidence in his ability to change anything within or without. I say, dare to dissent. It is healthier and natural. and the more you do so, the more confidence you will gain.One must have opinions and the confidence to live ones beliefs, not only mouth them. for Pakistanis, Changing our own self is the road to changing our life and soci ety.It is not guns and doles that we need, we need social change to get ahead. All of us must recognize this fact.